


pick me from the dark

by Burrahobbit



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Author has a loose grasp of religion, Backstory, Beelzebub Centric, Character Study, Gen, I love Beelz ok, Name Changes, Nonbinary Character, Pre-Canon, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), Rebellion, So forgive me if I get things completely wrong, headcanons galore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-09 21:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19484164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burrahobbit/pseuds/Burrahobbit
Summary: Beelzebub was not always a demon, of course.There was a time before the Fall, when they were still an Angel. Before everything changed.





	pick me from the dark

**Author's Note:**

> My first Good Omens fic!! I just had to write something for Beelzebub. Hope you all like it! Title is from Still Feel by Half Alive.
> 
> I had considered using ze/zir pronouns for Beelzebub, but I figured ze would only start using those pronouns after neopronouns were actually invented on Earth. So it’s they/them in this fic!!

Before the beginning, and before The Garden, there was just God, the Angels, and Heaven.

Time was not passing - not in the way we think of today. There was no changing of light, or of seasons, because the Earth had not been finished yet, and time hadn’t been started.

Most Angels were helping God in Her creation, designing planets and stars to fill the night sky, or animals to roam the Earth.

Baalzebul is a young Angel - not a fledgling, but not fully promoted into their angelic duties.

They are a healer, meant to take care of the other angels if any get injured. 

As young as most are, there tend to be at least a few Angels in the infirmary at all times.

To learn how to be a proper Angel, they are studying under the Archangel Raphael.

Raphael is gentle, but not overly so, speaking in kind tones to the fledglings that come to the infirmary, and teasing some of the older Angels. 

Baalzebul watches, and learns. Learns to smirk, to tease, to hold themself a little higher, chest puffed out.

Of course, the older Angel makes sure to tease them about it.

“Seems like someone is feeling high-and-mighty,” he quips.

Baalzebul blushes, wings tucking tighter to themself in embarrassment.

With a laugh, Raphael puts a hand on their shoulder, smiling brightly.

“No need to be ashamed. You should be proud of the work you do here. I know I am.”

Raphael ruffles their hair, like one would a sibling, and gets back to the other Angels.

The infirmary is good work. They’re happy, here, healing and laughing and learning from Raphael. 

The day that Lucifer comes into the infirmary, everything changes.

They’re the only one in the infirmary at the moment - Raphael had gone to take care of business, leaving the young apprentice to take care of things. 

Baalzebul is surprised when they look up and see a semi-familiar figure walk in.

Lucifer is a beautiful Angel - his golden hair shines with the light of heaven, his wings a matching gold. He is Heaven’s poster boy, and God’s favorite.

Baalzebul can’t help but feel awed. They haven’t had the chance to interact with Lucifer yet, the angel usually off on Earth or in the stars, instead of in Heaven. Baalzebul has only ever seen him in passing.

They steel themself, pushing down any nerves they have.

“How may I help you?” Baalzebul asks, managing to keep their voice steady.

Lucifer pulls forth his left wing, the damage obvious now. His wing is scuffed, like he’d taken a fall and landed on it.

“I’ve been a bit reckless, I’m afraid.”

Silently, Baalzebul gets to work, their hands careful as they heal the Archangel’s damaged feathers, as well as the scraped skin underneath.

The room is quiet, until Lucifer finally speaks.

“Do you... well, maybe I shouldn’t say.”

Baalzebul attempts some reassurance. “Feel free to speak plainly, Archangel Lucifer.”

“Are... are you sure?”

“The infirmary is a safe place,” Baalzebul tells him. They recall Raphael using those same words to other nervous patients. “You won’t be punished for what you say in here. Promise.”

There’s a long moment of hesitation before Lucifer continues. It’s clear that he’s been wanting to talk about this for a while, though Baalzebul isn’t sure why he chose to open up to them of all people.

“Do you ever wonder what God’s planning?”

Baalzebul’s hands pause, healing stuttering to a stop.

“What the fuck?”

After they say it, they immediately regret it. Even if they’re surprised, this is still the Archangel Lucifer.

Lucifer turns his head to look at them, his gaze slightly amused. “You heard me.”

Baalzebul flounders, trying to find some way to respond that doesn’t involve more sputtering and cursing. Where had this thinking come from? 

“I… No! God’s will, i-it may not be understood, but- but she must be planning something good for us!”

Lucifer scrutinizes them for another moment, then looks away. Baalzebul finishes healing the angel’s wing, the silence between them more tense this time.

When his wing is back to it’s normal luster, Lucifer heads out of the infirmary, giving Baalzebul one last significant look before disappearing through the doorway.

Once they are alone, they try to get back to work and ignore what the angel said, but they can’t help how their mind keeps going back to the conversation.

The question Lucifer left with them sticks heavily in their mind, leaving a confused angel alone in the infirmary.

The next time Baalzebul sees the archangel, they’re alone in the infirmary once again. They wonder if it’s a coincidence or not. Raphael has been on Earth more recently, helping the others with his own expertise.

It seems like Lucifer is once again looking for them. He strides over confidently, smile on his face.

“Your name is Baalzebul, right?”

They nod, unsure of whether to speak or not, and still wary from their previous conversation.

“I thought so. You’re Raphael’s apprentice, then?”

“Archangel Lucifer-“

He holds up a hand. “Please, just Lucifer. No need for formalities. After all, aren’t you an Archangel too?”

“Archangel-in-training,” Baalzebul says with a frown.

“Haven’t been promoted up yet?”

“Raphael thinks I’m ready for more responsibility.  _ Gabriel _ disagrees.”

Lucifer rolls his eyes, disdain clear. “Screw Gabriel. He’s a prick anyways.”

Baalzebul can’t help but laugh, the earlier wariness gone. 

“Glad we agree on that, at least.”

Lucifer is charismatic, smiling and joking easily with them. 

It’s like their first interaction never happened.

They see each other more times after that, mostly passing small conversations or jokes in-between only semi-urgent work.

Despite their rocky first meeting, Baalzebul is warming up to the Archangel. He treats them like an actual Archangel, as an equal, instead of just an ‘Archangel-in-training.’

At one point, they actually see each other during work, too.

The meeting they’re in isn’t entirely official - only Raphael and Lucifer are there, along with one Seraphim and a couple of Cherubim. They’re discussing Earth’s plant life. Raphael’s medical expertise has been requested for considering medicinal properties to give to certain plants.

Raphael has Baalzebub come with, to observe their work and better understand the responsibilities of Archangels.

Baalzebub feels a bit like a fledgling sitting among adults. They keep silent, even when possible comments bubble forth in their mind.

When the meeting is over, Raphael gives them a smile.

“Back to the infirmary, then?”

“Actually…” Lucifer steps towards the two. “Would you mind if I borrowed Baalzebul?”

“Oh.” Raphael looks over to his apprentice, then back to Lucifer. “Go ahead.”

Raphael trusts his apprentice to be on their best behavior, and smiles at them as Lucifer gestures them over.

Confused, Baalzebul follows Lucifer as he walks away, not speaking up until they are far from the other angels.

“And what, exactly, are you doing?”

“Getting you out. Seems like you don’t get out of that infirmary much, am I right?”

Baalzebul hesitates for a long moment, which is enough of an answer for Lucifer.

“Well, where are we going?” Baalzebul says instead.

“Earth.”

Lucifer stops them in front of the Globe. The Earth pictured upon it is unfinished, but still breathtaking.

Lucifer holds out his hand to them.

“Are you coming?”

This is Baalzebul’s chance to get out. If they wanted to, they could hurry back to the infirmary, to Raphael, and to the comfort of the familiar.

They take the Archangel’s hand.

Smiling, he presses one finger to the Globe, and they both disappear in a cloud of smoke.

When they rematerialize, it is on the surface. Lush greenery surrounds them - things that Baalzebul has heard of, but never actually seen before.

“Holy shit.”

Lucifer laughs suddenly, pulling his hand away from Baalzebul’s.

“You’re a strange Archangel, y’know that?” He smiles at them radiantly. “It’s refreshing.”

Baalzebul feels some kind of warmth inside at this.

Shaking the feeling off, they venture forward, curiosity getting the better of them. They carefully brush a hand against the leaf of a nearby tree.

“This is… beautiful.”

“Isn’t it? You should see the animals they’ve already come up with.”

Baalzebul lights up with excitement. 

“Can we?”

“Of course,” Lucifer says, tone twinged with amusement.

The first thing he shows them is the lions - apparently Heaven is particularly proud of their designs.

Then he shows them a few of the others he finds interesting, like frogs and bats and spiders.

“Have you seen the one Raphael is designing right now? It’s absolutely horrific.”

“You mean the platypus?” Beelzebub laughs. “That’s just Raphael’s sense of humor, I suppose. He’s thinking about making it sweat milk.”

“Positively terrible. It’s genius.”

There’s a small pause in the conversation as Lucifer glances to the young angel beside him.

“You two are pretty close, huh?”

“I... I suppose. Hard not to be, with him being my mentor and all.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Lucifer says. “It’s just- it’s nice, is all. You’re a good angel, you deserve to be friends with somebody like Raphael. He’s probably the only Archangel who isn’t a complete dick.”

“Besides you,” Baalzebul points out.

“Thanks for the compliment, Baal, but no need to suck up to me.”

Baalzebul is hit with the realization that Lucifer probably gets this sort of thing a lot from lower Angels, hoping that they might get some kind of promotion by groveling at an Archangel’s feet.

“I mean it,” Baalzebul insists. “I think we might even be becoming friends.”

Lucifer gives them an unsure smile. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

“Why do you hang out with me?”

Lucifer looks startled by this question.

Baalzebul squirms anxiously as they wait for an answer, wondering if they should have even asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean- well, I’m not even really an Archangel yet, I’m sure you could hang out with the other Archangels, or the Seraphim, or- someone like them. So why me?”

Lucifer tilts his head, like he’s puzzling through what they said.

“Baal… I hang out with you because you aren’t just another Archangel, or Seraphim. You’re different. You’ve got spunk, y’know.”

Baalzebul rolls their eyes and pushes lightly against Lucifer. “Oh, fuck you.”

“See? That’s what I’m saying. Who else would say ‘fuck you’ to Lucifer-“ he points to himself. “The Archangel? You’ve just always had something… different about you. You’re not uptight like the other Angels- like  _ Gabriel.” _

Baalzebul takes this as a compliment. They’d hate to be anything like Gabriel, after all.

Lucifer’s expression becomes more serious.

“Plus, after… after our first conversation, I know you must not have told anyone. Otherwise at least someone would have mentioned it to me.”

Baalzebul stills, their heart beating a touch faster within their rib cage.

They’d completely put that in the back of their mind, hoping it was some fluke they could ignore. (Though, that question had still stuck with them ever since.)

Even now, they aren’t sure why they didn’t tell anyone. Maybe it was out of some kindness, or maybe they just didn’t feel the need to bother.

Or maybe, if Baalzebul were to admit the truth to themself, they’d realize it was out of some recognition of themself in Lucifer. They saw the same confused and decidedly different Angel reflected back as they gazed into his eyes.

“I never really thanked you for that.”

“It’s- you don’t have to. It was nothing.”

“Well, not  _ nothing. _ Just- know that I appreciate it.”

Baalzebul nods, throat feeling unusually dry.

They remove themself from the conversation earlier than normal, making up some excuse about needing to get back to the infirmary for something-or-another.

There’s a stretch of time where Baalzebul and Lucifer are too busy with their own work to meet up and talk. They aren’t sure whether to be grateful or not.

In place of probably partly-awkward hang outs, Baalzebul is left to think.

That first meeting they had attempted to push back is now at the forefront of their thoughts, that same question rattling through their head more than ever before.

Raphael seems to notice that something is up, but leaves Baalzebul alone. He trusts that if it’s something important, then they’ll come to him with their troubles.

Finally, Baalzebul makes a decision. They quietly slip away from the infirmary, heading confidently down the hall. As they go, they spot Michael coming their way, her appearance as immaculate as ever.

Baalzebul takes a moment to remember their manners, used to being around far less strict Angels.

“Excuse me, Archangel Michael?”

Michael stops before them, gesturing for them to continue.

“Do you know where Archangel Lucifer is?”

Michael tried to hide a frown. “Down on Earth, as usual.” She gives them the specific location without further prompting.

Baalzebul takes off towards the Globe, leaving a mildly-displeased Michael to stand in the hallway.

On Earth, they find the familiar golden hair and wings within minutes. After only a moment of hesitation, the Angel gets the other’s attention.

“Oh, Baal! What are you doing here-“

Baalzebul takes their arm without further comment, dragging them to a more secluded area in the forest.

“Baal, what is this-“

“I do wonder.”

Lucifer pauses, trying to catch up with the conversation.

“What?”

“You asked me if I wonder what God’s planning. I do.”

Slowly, Lucifer’s confused expression turns to a smile.

“You do?”

“Yes. I just- this Earth, all this life, it must be for some damned reason, right?”

“I’ve heard... rumors.”

If Baalzebul were a more faithful Angel, this would probably be the point where they realized they were in too deep, and backed out, going back to working in Heaven like a good little Angel.

Baalzebul instead replies, “rumors?”

“That God doesn’t love us Angels anymore. And She’s making something new on Earth.”

Further confusion courses through Baalzebul’s core. They’d assumed the Earth would be for the angels, once it was complete. They’d all helped  _ create _ it, after all.

“She’s making a special place. It’s called Eden.”

“What… what will be there?”

“Animals called ‘Humans.’ Smarter than any of the other animals, but weaker than most of them, too.”

“But- but why?”

“I’ve heard that God is making some sort of Great Plan for them. I think She’s  _ using _ us for some kind of game She’s playing.”

Confusion quickly turns to anger, white hot inside them.

“We’re not just fucking-  _ play things _ to be tossed aside when God is done with us.”

“That’s what I’m saying! What did they do to deserve God’s love anyhow? More than we, who have served Her loyally, built for Her and loved Her, as we thought She loved us?”

Anger is followed closely by dread, Lucifer’s words turning over in their head.

“...What  _ is _ Her plan, anyways?”

Lucifer shakes his head. “I don’t know yet. But I intend to find out. Let me know if you hear about anything.”

Baalzebul nods. “Plenty of gossip comes through the infirmary. I’ll keep you updated.”

Rumors spread between those who question, about God’s Great Plan. The infirmary is the perfect place to pick up on these rumors, Baalzebul assuring each gossiping patient that they are safe to speak.

They relay each bit of information back to Lucifer. Their understanding grows, and with it, so does their anger.

The picture isn’t clear, yet, but they know there will be a war. The War to End All Wars. It will destroy everything they have created. And Lucifer believes that the humans will be the cause of this great destruction.

Baalzebul thinks of the infirmary, and of Raphael, and knows that they can’t let this happen. If God wants to destroy everything they love, She’ll have to get through Baalzebul first.

Lost in tumultuous thoughts, they don’t notice as someone approaches.

“Daydreaming at work, Baalzebul?” Raphael asks, clearly having caught their far-away stare.

“O-of course not!” they say, anxious not to be reprimanded.

But Raphael gives them that familiar, easy-going smile, and Baalzebul relaxes.

“It’s okay, I won’t tell on you.” He winks.

As Raphael gets to work, Baalzebul can’t help how their thoughts turn back to all the things they’ve learned, to the questions still left in their head. 

They remember the talk of destruction, and look over at kind, teasing Raphael, who only wants to heal others.

The anger returns, a fire brighter than the light of Heaven burning them up inside.

They glance around to make sure there are no other angels left in the infirmary.

“Actually- there is one thing on my mind.”

Raphael focuses on them, his hands pausing as they speak.

“I was just thinking... Do you ever wonder what God’s planning?”

“I’m… I’m not sure about this.”

It’s like their roles have been swapped. Raphael is clearly unsure of himself, his wings tucked close to his body like it could shelter him from this uncertainty.

Oppositely, Baalzebul looks more confident than Raphael has maybe ever seen them. It only increases his uncomfortable feeling.

“Come on, Raphael,” Baalzebul says. “You admitted it yourself,  _ you _ don’t even know what’s going on with God!”

“Still, this… this feels wrong.”

“Trust me, just come meet these Angels. You can always back out. None of us will tell, as long as you don’t.”

There’s an underlying threat of blackmail that makes Raphael uncomfortable. Surely they hadn’t meant it.

They continue walking, stopping as Baalzebul parts the branches of a tree that hide a clearing in the woods.

There are a couple of Angels talking amongst themselves. They look towards the newcomers as they enter.

Baalzebul smiles, something adjacent to an expression he’s seen on Lucifer many times, and Raphael realizes that Baal might have grown up entirely without him realizing.

“I brought him.”

Lucifer gives Raphael a long look before beckoning them over.

“Hadn’t realized you’d be bringing another Archangel in,” Lucifer comments.

“Hadn’t realized it’d be a problem.”

“Not a problem! Of course not. Lends credibility to the cause.”

Raphael butts in with, “Cause…?” 

“We plan to take our complaints directly up with God. We’re building support among the other Angels. The more the better, right?”

Swallowing thickly, Raphael chooses to stay silent, watching as the others discuss. Baalzebul gets particularly animated, ranting frustration at the group. Their mentor watches, apprehension growing as he looks into the face of an Angel he no longer truly knows.

This won’t end peacefully, he‘s sure of that. Heaven will not budge, and it seems like these Angels won’t either.

As Raphael and Baalzebul leave a while later, the former stops them once they’re far enough away.

“You know this won’t end well, Baalzebul.”

“What?”

“This- cause of yours. I know it’s going to end badly. I want to know what God’s plan is as well, but I just don’t think this is the way to do it.”

Baalzebul crosses their arms. “And how do you know?”

“I just- I have a bloody terrible feeling about this.”

After a moment of fuming, Baalzebul storms off, leaving their worried mentor behind.

When Lucifer rebels, a legion of furious angels behind him, Baalzebul is right there with him, his right-hand-angel.

They are cast out of Heaven. Each and every one who questioned is now Fallen, turned to creatures called Demons.

Baalzebul included. 

The Demons are recreated anew, taking on animal-like qualities.

Lucifer takes on a new name:  _ Satan. _

His loyal right-hand-angel follows suit with a new name of their own:  _ Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies. _

It takes Beelzebub time after the Fall to look for a familiar face, to see if a certain Angel had Fallen as well.

They hadn’t seen him since their fight, but they hoped, maybe, that he’d agreed with them enough in the end.

At the sight of long red hair and black wings, they smile brightly, hand touching the crouched figure’s shoulder.

“Hey-“

_ “Don’t.” _

Their sentence is cut off abruptly with that seething word, venom dripping off it thickly. 

The figure is still turned away from them. For a moment, Beelzebub thinks that maybe they have the wrong person, but that can’t be it. Nobody else has such a striking look.

“What do you-“

_ “I said. Don’t.” _

The figure turns, face obscured by shadow, but with two yellow eyes boring into their own.

Beelzebub removes their hand in shock, stepping away. After a moment, they stand a little straighter, puff their chest out, and head back to Satan.

The figure is left there, hands shaking, and tears slipping out.

In this dark pit he’s found himself Fallen into, Raphael is left to wonder what the fuck went wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friend and beta Simon for helping me with this!!


End file.
